Posts Tagged ‘Conflict’

So now that we have taken a good look at conflict and what to do when we are in the midst of it; perhaps we should consider the question:  what causes conflict?  In the past, many of us have had the “wonderful” opportunity to find ourselves in situations saturated with conflict.  I believe that as we look back at these difficult times, we will come to realize that there is ONE primary source of conflict.

That’s right… I believe that every conflict has ONE primary cause.

UNMET EXPECTATIONS.  Failing to meet others expectations will almost always result in disagreement, disappointment, and conflict.  Consider this:  Adam and Eve in a garden of bliss – in perfect harmony with each other, the earth, and most importantly their Creator.  There is really only one expectation established for them:  don’t eat the tree.

Genesis 2:16-17  And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:  But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it:  for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

Just as it is in our life, the one thing we cannot have is the one thing we desire the most.  So what do they do?  They eat the tree.  They fail to meet God’s expectations for them.  What is the result?  CONFLICT.  They are punished by their Creator, banished from paradise, become spiritually dead, and enter into a severed relationship with God.  Incredible conflict comes as a result of failing to meet God’s expectations.

Why do we fail to meet others expectations?

Okay, so you have finally decided to do it.  You are going to confront that individual who has hurt you with their sinful behavior – just as God tells you to.  What should you say?  What is the most important attribute when seeking to handle conflict in a healthy way?

Galatians 6:1  Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

2 Timothy 2:24-25  And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;

Colossians 3:12-14   Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.   And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

So what is the key element to healthy conflict?  A loud voice, red face, or pointed finger?  No, none of these will aid in restoring relationships; instead God tells us that meekness is the most important attribute when successfully handling conflict.  It is when we are able to address difficult situations with meekness that our conflicts can be successfully resolved  (re-solved).  Conflict for the sake of conflict, without any meekness or solution, is very unhealthy and will never lead to reconciliation.

Is “conflict” a bad word? At first glace, it may appear to be: conflict often results in injury and personal discomfort. However, is conflict necessary?  Can there be such a thing as healthy conflict?  It amazes me to see how many individuals will avoid conflict at any cost.  Now, please do not misunderstand what I am trying to communicate, I am not a fan of unnecessary conflict.  However, reconciliation and forgiveness will never take place where conflict is non-existent.  God clearly instructs us, at times, to be confrontational!

Matthew 18:15-17   Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.  But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.  And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

It is really that simple.  Have you been hurt by someone?  Has someone offended you?  Go to them – talk to them about it with the desire for mutual forgiveness and reconciliation.  Avoiding conflict will only lead to greater problems and difficulties in the future.  Again, there is always the possibility that the offending party will not have a forgiving spirit or cooperate with reconciliation; Jesus clearly lays out steps 2 and 3 in the above passage.

However, no matter what the end result is; doing the right thing is always the right thing to do!  God, the Creator who understands us infinitely better than we do ourselves, has commanded us to engage in healthy conflict.  Let’s follow His words and wisdom!